Friday, September 16, 2011

I Can't Do This Alone

I have to memorize four hymns it goes....I'm singing in the choir at the General Relief Society Conference and so yes I feel like it's a big deal.  This conference will be broadcast to who knows how many people...and sometimes that camera really zooms into a person's face (probably won't be me...but who knows) and I don't want to be the one looking stupid and mouthing "watermelon watermelon" while we're singing.

When I first got the calling it was exciting.  At the first rehearsal they thanked us all for our sacrifice in doing it.  I thought, what's the big deal, it's just choir - I've done choir before.  This should be easy.  Well....

I've been doing my best and I thought I had it down.  They gave us this cd to memorize it with, see, and I was listening to the cd on the way to school and back (which is about 45 minutes right now because of construction on the freeway).  There's one part that I do "ooo"s which are hard because I have to memorize notes without words.  Anyway, I thought I had it down.

Wrong.  We just had another rehearsal and out of all the ladies around me I was singing the "ooo"s higher.  I noticed the lady in front of me shaking her head and asking the person next to her if she could hear the one who's singing off.  I asked the woman next to me if the cd was wrong because I had memorized it by the cd instead of my piano with the sheet music because I've had 0 time lately with homework and other stuff.

She informed me that the woman singing our part on the cd is singing it wrong.

Possible scenario from anyone else: Shrugging and saying, oh, ok I can just go over it again and have it memorized by this weekend's dress rehearsal.  It will be just fine.

I cried.

I think I must be dealing with a bit much lately because all I could do was imagine myself this week trying to hold my house together at the seams whilst reading Beowulf or Chaucer and on top of that some linguistic theorists and writing poetry and practicing sign language whilst stirring some concoction in a pot on my stove for my family's dinner - and then ALSO sitting at my piano to re-learn what I had THOUGHT I already had down.

And so I cried.

Everyone around me thought I was having a spiritual experience.  Lucky them.

I got a hold of myself and then we had a closing song (which is funny - we open with a half hour of singing hymns while people arrive, have a prayer, sing an opening song, listen to a few speakers, then sing and sing and sing the music to be performed, then listen to a short speaker, and have a closing song before a closing prayer.  That's lots of singing.).

I Believe in Christ.

And the worry within me was evident.  I cried some more as I prayed with the song's final verse:

"I believe in Christ, he stands supreme!
from him I'll gain my fondest dream,
And while I strive through grief and pain
His voice is heard, "Ye shall obtain."
I believe in Christ, so come what may
With Him I'll stand in that great day..."

I just thought to myself, I can't do this alone.  I have to lean on support.  Suddenly the words of encouragement and gratitude from the beginning of our rehearsals mean more to me.  I am making a sacrifice to do this.  But I am gaining so much through it and it will be an experience I will never forget.  I'll sing in the CONFERENCE CENTER for crying out loud!  It's something I never dreamed of and how blessed I am to go to the meetings to rehearse with so many sweet voices and feel of the spirit there.  It's been incredible so far and I can't wait for ....TOMORROW MORNING! when I'll be singing at the conference center for dress rehearsal.

Ok...I'm off to the piano now.  Wish me luck, or pray for me.  Whatever you prefer.  And if you see the broadcast, keep an eye out.  You might glimpse a happy brunette woman among all the others, smiling because the Lord is helping her sing to the best of her ability.

Monday, September 12, 2011



Constantly prioritizing and doing things halfway.

How do people do this?