It's been quite the journey for me since I started this blog. I look back and can remind myself of things I've learned. Because then I have to again...relearn, and relearn again. I guess that's where the "Repeat" comes in on the title of this blog. I'm not perfect. Far from it.
It's the reason I need all of this stuff. Because I am not perfect, I have to rely on the Lord so much. I have to really put in the effort every single day, to put Him first and to rely on his guidance. If I don't my day goes to mush.
I'm the type of person who talks about everything I'm going through. I talk it out and it sorts out my thoughts and feelings. But lately it feels like I can't do that as much. Lately, I have been realizing some things I can't just tell people. Some people shouldn't be told things. I'm not usually one to hold it in. I don't like keeping my own secrets. Other people's business is their own and it's not mine to tell, but my own secrets are another matter to me. I'd rather just lay it all out there and be completely honest and open with everyone I meet and if they don't like it, it hurts, but I'd rather they knew me. I'd rather know what they really think of me.
But lately I can't do that. It's not mine to tell, as much, I guess. That's the problem. But I'm so connected with it I want to talk about things. I want to blurt my pains and feelings out to the world and sort things out. I need a friend to talk to. I want to just cry, but I don't want to cry alone.
The only one I can really put my trust in is the Lord. My savior is the only one. The scriptures say I shouldn't rely on the arm of the flesh, and this includes friends, my spouse, my family even;...the world has it wrong.
It seems like every time everything is going wonderfully something has to happen to make it crash down. Balance in trials and blessings I guess.
The point is, I have to keep going. I have to stay strong. I have to take care of my own spiritual place. I have to keep praying and studying the scriptures to get through this.