Righteous Judgment

At one time I thought I was a good judge of character. Now I'm not so sure to trust myself.

I've made the mistake of judging someone as being dangerous or somehow unworthy of friendship and then later been proven wrong...on one occasion it really came back to bite me and made me feel horrible.

I've made the mistake of trusting someone as worthy of love when instead....well, everyone else saw it but me.

The point is. You can't judge a person on a first glance.

I try to follow inspiration, but sometimes that gets mixed up in my interpretations. Sometimes what I interpret as a prompting from the spirit turns out to be nothing but my own anxiety or some kind of strange temptation masquerading as a prompting.

So what can I do to improve my judgment? How can I continue forward trusting my own instincts?

Deep Breathes

When my boys are driving me NUTS, it means to take time to play a game.

Not hush them because I'm trying to do something else.
Not get annoyed or angry because they're running around being noisy.

It's time to put down what I'm doing and go outside and take a few minutes playing tag or hide and seek.

Then... it's all better.

The Right Perspective

Today I contemplated about married life and single life in a different way then I ever have before.

When I got married, I sadly said goodbye to single life. I don't know why I was sad and felt I'd miss being single because being single was never so wonderful to me. I hardly had the chance to enjoy it with all the hideous relationships I had with people I shouldn't have had relationships with. I thought of being single as the fun days I would miss out on more then the ones I'd miss because I hadn't really had it the way I wanted it. I envisioned being single and confident and enjoying myself. Then, being married, I thought of that alter-reality of "what-ifs" as though being single was glorified in my mind and wished for.

Today I looked at it differently. I realistically thought about what my life would be like today if I had never gotten married. I wouldn't be having a blast, free and fun, confident and dating all the time. I would most likely be a lonely sad girl who wished for more attention then she was getting and therefore finding herself in more hideous relationships that she shouldn't be in.

With this in mind, I looked over at my husband. Then I looked at my kids.

I am blessed.
I have people in my life I couldn't live without.

So I told my hubby in that moment (because he deserves to know), "I don't think I could live without you."

Because it's true.

Choosing Not to Take Offense

I went out of town for a couple nights and left my hubby behind. Our history usually has told me he has hated it when I do that. He calls and complains he misses me and wants me home soon. He doesn't sleep as well. He gets sick to his stomach. But this time when I asked about going he said whatever I wanted was fine. When I was gone he didn't call me, I called him. Then when I got home he told me he slept SO WELL while I was gone because the baby and I didn't wake him up and because I took the other boys too they didn't wake him up either. He slept straight from 11 pm until 6 am.

I see how that would feel good. I wish I could sleep like that.

At first I felt like it hurt my feelings. But I realized it was a good thing - what I've been hoping for actually. I wanted him to grow up and reach the point where we could be apart for a while without the negativity like that. Freedom would feel good. It's a good thing that he got the sleep he got. So I pulled back from my knee-jerk response (that would have been "Well, maybe I should just stay away then if you sleep so well when we're gone.") and took a deep breath and said, "That's great, honey."

I've realized lately that much of my sad feelings are really my own fault. I do have the right to feel the way I do, so I don't need to give myself any guilt trips for the feelings I feel. But it isn't his responsibility to make me feel better, it's mine.

Most the time he does something that hurts my feelings, it is completely unintentional. He's busy working on something else and ignores or forgets about me or something I wanted. I used to tell him about how wrong he was and hope for apologies and hope for change (I sound like Obama right there...haha) when it wouldn't come. He'd do the same thing the next day. His inability to remember things that were important to me made me feel like he didn't care at all. If he cared about something, wouldn't he remember? Well, with him, apparently not. So I finally learned to suck it up. Remind him. It's as easy as that.

And when he unintentionally hurts my feelings, most the time I don't need to tell him about it. I can acknowledge my own feelings and tell myself that I understand it was unintentional and forgive. Quietly. He doesn't have to hear about it at all because it would only make him feel bad too and he hadn't meant it anyway. The only time I should speak up is if it's been repeated over and over and I'm at some kind of breaking point. In that case I should tell him my feelings without expecting or demanding anything from him. He doesn't want to hurt me. I know that. So he's trying not to.

Anyway, I guess the point is not to get offended by things. When my feelings are hurt unintentionally, it's my responsibility to fix my feelings.

It's a hard lesson to learn.

Swallow My Pride

Sometimes it helps to give him a hug first. Then maybe he'll say he's sorry. But even if he doesn't, giving him that hug will feel good and letting go of the blame feels even better. Believe me, it's worth it. Save yourself the gray hairs.

Note to Self

Crying gives you headaches.
So don't ever cry.

But in extraneous situations, if crying results, take a decongestant, an ibuprofen, and a sleep aid (preferably herbal, of course, like Valerian Root) and go to bed.

Graditude

It is so important to be willing to give service to others. Looking for those opportunities is the best way to find them. I know when I am looking for them, it's a lot easier to find needs that I might not have noticed if I wasn't looking.

This past weekend we had a crazy storm with huge raindrops. It was measured to be coming down about 1 1/2 inches per hour! It was insanity! Hail also accompanied it. Water was running down my street and filling our garden. My husband was worried about our plants until we started to receive phone calls from members of my church in our neighborhood. People's basements were flooding!

Jimmy didn't hesitate and went to help suck water out of basements with his shop vac. Today I heard back from someone that he helped people in one home to rip up their carpet because it was ruined from the flooding! I wasn't only impressed by my husband but by many people in the neighborhood who stepped up.

We had more then a few phone calls from people in the ward just checking up on us to make sure we didn't have any flooding. I also had a couple people call me and ask me to call other people in the ward to check on them. I checked on the families I go visiting teaching to. My visiting teaching partner was gone for the day but when she got home she found her neighbors had sucked water out of her window wells and saved her basement from really flooding. She went over to check the window wells of another sister we know who was gone for a couple of the summer months.

I am so grateful to have some wonderful people surrounding me in my neighborhood. We really pull together to help each other - not only in the sudden death and funeral services we had recently - but also with any disasters large or small. I know I could count on my ward for anything and that's a beautiful feeling. Knowing this makes me even more willing and ready to serve them as well with anything. I'm all ears for some way to serve.

Honesty

I've recently done some meditating on honesty and what it really means to be perfectly honest. I think it means to swallow pride. Sometimes it means taking a fall. Sometimes it means giving something up. Sometimes it costs more money.

I've always striven to be as honest as possible. I think it sort of made me seem like a goody-goody sometimes. But I've had my issues with it here and there too. I'm not perfect. Far from it. Sometimes people let little white lies fall through to save a dime or even to save face. But is it really worth that dime? Is it worth it? I think it saves face even more to admit a wrong or to make something write by being honest then it is to lie. No matter how small it may seem.

The thing that many people overlook about honesty is just the keeping things quiet when you shouldn't. For example, witnessing another person being dishonest and not stopping it or speaking up. I am guilty as charged. Sometimes it can be hard to do it, but I've recently decided being a better example for my children is more important then someone's pride. I want my kids to grow up learning that being honest is important. I want them to value honesty the way I try to. No more sweeping anything under the rug. I'm going to strive for more perfect honesty in my daily life.

Wake-Up Call

I can't help but thank my Heavenly Father for my family right this moment.

Tragedy has struck our neighborhood and after a car accident, a young father was taken home. I helped out at the funeral luncheon and my heart aches for his young wife. They have two children, both daughters I believe, ages 1 and 5. The youngest probably won't remember her daddy at all. It is just heart-breaking.

It really made me realize how much we take for granted every day. This young wife said goodbye to her husband and he drove up into the nearby hills. I'm not sure what he was doing there or why. He called her telling her he might run out of gas on the way back but he'd call if he needed anything. She waited and waited. Finally she decided he must have run out of gas and began to drive up there herself. The life-flight people were already there.

I am so grateful I have a sweet and loving, hard-working husband and my three beloved little boys. I don't want to waste a single moment because I can never know when it will be the last. We just have to trust God. I am also so grateful for the knowledge of forever families and the blessings of the temple sealing. Because of this, I know even if the worst happened I would find peace in that...as hard as it would be. For now, I have had a wake-up call to live life to the fullest while it lasts.

Sunshine

Although it's hot, a walk to the library is just as refreshing and invigorating as doing yoga in my basement. Have a nice day!

Learning Through Patience

I recently had the opportunity to meet a few people I don't know at all and somehow got into some pretty in-depth conversations with this woman I met. I didn't really know anything about her personally, her strengths or beliefs, but I gathered that she was a member of the LDS church. As we chatted, I'm not sure how the subject came up, but I found myself again talking about my point of view on homosexuality. It seems I find myself in this conversation often. I'm not sure if it's because I simply MUST share my views on the issue or if it's a coping mechanism of mine or if I'm actually guided by the spirit to do so, but in any case I do speak to people about this often.

I found myself truly grateful that I have the understanding and knowledge that I have about this subject. So many people do not understand. It is hard for anyone to understand something so personal without having some kind of experience with it. Because I have personal experience with loved ones of mine, I have a different perspective than most, at least most of the people I come across, especially those within the LDS church.

Don't get me wrong, I love the gospel. I have a testimony and will follow church authorities. But that also doesn't mean I haven't struggled with this issue because of the attitudes I've been met with. People simply do not understand.

In my initial struggles on the subject it was as though I hit denial. Because I knew and loved these people so much, there was absolutely no way I could believe they were evil or damned as some people taught. After struggling with this concept initially, I came to a place where I would simply say - it's not my job. I love them anyway. I put my trust in the Lord.

In Relief Society yesterday we discussed patience. There are so many different faucets of this word that I had not applied to myself before. Among the kinds of patience you seek as a parent with your children, or a spouse, or just dealing with other people's personalities, there is the patience you develop while learning gospel principles. It hit me that this is what I had been doing for years and years. I had simply been patient and pondering on the issue I struggled with. It was too heartbreaking to jump to conclusions, so that's what I did. I trusted that the Lord would make things right. No matter what happens, the Lord has an infinite and eternal understanding of things that surpasses me completely. I just need to trust my heart, which tells me the church is true, and love people.

Then the Ensign for June came into my home and I took the time to read much of what was in it. I am so grateful I did! Lately I haven't been devouring the Ensign in the way I used to. I read an article entitled "Defending the Family in a Troubled World" by Elder Bruce D. Porter of the Seventy. The part that really spoke to me was the section under "The Shifting Definition of Tolerance" because of everything, this is where I have been struggling. I felt it was none of anyone's business what someone else in the world does as long as they aren't hurting anyone. This section talked about how the world's view of tolerance is redefining the virtue and distorting it, abandoning all sense of right and wrong. It never pin-pointed homosexuality in this article, however this is where I applied it in my own mind. It goes on to talk about how love is of even more importance and surpasses tolerance. In any case, I felt my mind at peace around this issue for the first time. I hope that more and more we can develop this balance among all the people in the world.

Later in the same issue is the article entitled The True Path to Happiness and I felt it also expanded on where my mind already was. I am so glad we are given the opportunity to find revelation through patience and pondering.