Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Getting Past That Wall

Sometimes when trying to receive inspiration or revelation, whatever you'd like to call it, you might hit a wall. And it's invisible. You don't even know there's a wall there, so you continue to smack into it over and over again until you finally think, "Oh!" and decide walking AROUND might better. Yeah.

This is what I've done lately.

I'm returning to school this fall and have been stressing (morbidly) over daycare arrangements. My two oldest weren't a problem. I was just trying so hard to keep my baby at the campus daycare which could only watch him half the time I needed.

What soon ensued? Hair-raising, scream-inducing, tear-overflowing, maddening stress. Should I also bother mentioning that little thing called postpartum depression that I've been trying to avoid?

I tried finding people I trust who might be on campus at that time. I tried going through the ward, going through friends, and I was about to go through the single's wards down on campus to see if there was someone there (who I didn't know). I had nightmares about baby snatchers.

Finally...I noticed the wall I've been insanely bumping into, causing headaches (which turned out to be self-induced).

Let me tell you a story.

My mom bought a new house when I was a pre-teen. The only thing she didn't like so much was that there was this wall separating the kitchen from the front room. Those two places need to be more unified these days because people eat so much in this world. And because of this, there's always someone stuck in the kitchen to prepare food (usually mom) and why shouldn't this person be involved in the conversations going on too?

Also, this wall used to have a stove attached that had a chimney. It had been removed, leaving an ugly scar on the wall that needed patching. My mom worked and worked for hours and hours on that patch on the wall trying to make it look better. Hours. Days.

Finally she realized - hey! I don't want this wall here anyway! And they tore it out.

Sometimes we get so focused and stubborn about one thing, we go to great lengths to keep it there. It can cause all kinds of complications and make our life so hard. But until we realize it's all for that one little thing and it's ok to let that little thing go, we're stuck behind that wall.

My wall? Not being willing to use a dang bottle for a couple hours.

The thought hadn't even seriously occurred to me. I've never used a bottle. Nothing against those who do, I just never had the need to do so or wanted to for that matter. But would it hurt for me to pump a few hours on only two days a week? No. So now it's all been settled and he can be taken care of. That's what is most important.

So when you're in some kind of stressful predicament, take a step back. You may just be beating against a wall that doesn't need to be there at all.

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