The Broken Plate

I posted about my talk on the atonement in sacrament meeting a while back.

In it, I introduced my metaphor about the broken plate to illustrate repentance.  Just the other night, however, I was awake contemplating how my analogy was incomplete, and I felt strongly that I should further include the thoughts I am having in addition to it now.

To review this analogy, I related sin to breaking a plate.  I'll add more detail to this post to expand it a little more.

I break a plate.  Oops.  The first step to using the atonement is to recognize the sin.  "I did that."  Those three words can sometimes be the hardest words to think, let alone utter aloud.  Sometimes we find ourselves justifying it.  "Well, the soap and water made the plate slippery."  "It isn't my fault."  "It isn't that big of a deal, we have lots more plates."  "I can just buy another plate, so this one doesn't matter."  "Well, if he hadn't pushed my elbow."  Whatever the excuse, it's a lie.  The plate is broken.  The fact remains.  "I broke the plate."  This can be hard to do sometimes because we don't want to acknowledge our guilt because it's painful.  Guilt hurts because often we are trying so hard to do our best in life, and although we know we cannot be perfect, we still don't like to recognize the black spots in our record.  Sometimes it seems easier to just ignore or justify it.  But it's not easier.  It leaves the weight on our shoulders, a weight that can be too much to bear.

So first we must recognize and take responsibility for the sin.  "I broke the plate."  Then we must feel Godly sorrow for the sin.  Usually we feel bad about it, sure enough.  But there is a difference between Godly sorrow and worldly sorrow.  Godly sorrow= "I feel guilty that I broke the plate.  It was a mistake that is mine and I wish I hadn't done it."  Worldly sorrow=  "I am ashamed of myself because I broke the plate, and this means I am no longer worthy to handle any future plates.  I am not worth it because I did this."  Tell the difference?  Godly sorrow is feeling guilty for a sin.  Worldly sorrow if feeling shame for self.  Another version of Worldly sorrow= "I feel ashamed of myself because I broke the plate.  Woe is me.  Others need to feel sorry for me too."  Ok, enough about that.

Let's choose this one.  "I feel guilty because I broke the plate and I wish I hadn't."  Next step?  Forsaking the sin.  "I won't break any more plates.  I promise to be more careful.  I promise to be better."  Sometimes in spite of our efforts to forsake the sin, we still will break another plate, but we must remember Godly sorrow and just work through it again.  Because if we break one plate or a thousand, the atonement still works the same.  But we must continue repenting and trying our best to forsake.

After this, we are to confess.  Sometimes the plate is rather special, and we have to go to the Bishop as well as the Lord to confess the sin and get the help needed for repentance.  Sometimes the plate belonged to someone else and so we have to go to them and confess that we have broken their plate.  Sometimes the plate is our own and we must confess and apologize to ourselves.  "I'm sorry.  I broke your plate.  Please forgive me."  That's the next step.

Forgiveness.  Forgive yourself.  Forgive others.  Put it behind you.  Drop the weight.  Hand it to the Savior.  Then continue to keep the commandments.  Don't break any more plates.

Ok, so this is my analogy.  Seems complete?

Well, there was one more thing I said about when you break the plate.  If you break a plate and then say, "I'm sorry."  Is the plate magically not broken?  No.  It's something I say to my kids, actually.  I tell them, "The plate is still broken." to remind them there is more work to do then simply saying "sorry" and going on as if it didn't happen.  Of course, an apology needs to be heartfelt and real.  After breaking a plate, it does no good to softly whisper "I'm sorry." under our breath and then sweep all the pieces under a rug or into a trash can.  We have to try to make it better.

So I've said "The plate is still broken." as a reminder to do what I can to mend what was broken.  Glue it back together, piece by piece.  It's true, I must do my best to fix things after I've made a mistake.  I need to make reconciliation, make peace, pay someone back, do what I can to fix or pay for what I have done.

But then this is incomplete.  I am left with this question.
What if the plate is just too broken?
What if it can't be fixed?
What if it's been shattered into so many tiny pieces there is no way to glue them together again?
What if it's impossible?


Now THIS is what the atonement is about.

When we cannot do it ourselves, we must pick up the pieces and give them to the Savior.  Because the Savior can make everything right again.  He already has.  He has already paid for, picked up, and mended all of our mistakes.  All we have to do is surrender the pieces and let Him do it for us.

All too often we get caught up in trying...and TRYING to mend it all on our own.  But we simply cannot do it on our own.  But the Savior can!  We just have to give it all to Him and TRUST Him with those fragile pieces, without holding anything back.

I really wish I had included that part in my talk in sacrament meeting, because my analogy simply wasn't complete without it.

Let's break down repentance and the use of the atonement into even smaller baby steps (which helped me a ton!):

First, honestly admit to everything to myself.
Then believe God can help! (Without believing it, we cannot go further.)
Next, trust in that hope by deciding to let Him.
Accept the whole entire truth, about my sins, weaknesses, and faults
Confess these to someone, perhaps proper priesthood authority as necessary, or a friend
Next I must change my heart, in order to truly forsake.
Humbly ask Heavenly Father to help to change my heart, and give it over to Him
Seek forgiveness from myself, and then seek forgiveness from others I have harmed
Then I must hold myself accountable daily, in everything I do and say
With the change of heart, my desires then change, and I seek the Lord's will for my every single day through personal revelation.
And lastly, I share my testimony and lovingly serve other people, because that's what this life is all about.

I got these baby steps through this amazing LDS church program!

I love this program with all of my heart and I recommend anyone from anywhere to work these baby steps to the atonement because they work.  They have strengthened my relationship with the Savior beyond what I ever thought possible.  These steps are not just for a certain kind of sin, they can be used for any kind of sin.  I've seen nothing like it.  So go to that link and read it, and journal about it, and apply it.  You're welcome. :)

Beginning to Understand the Atonement

I was asked to speak in sacrament meeting on the atonement this past Sunday...for seven minutes.  I found this to be a challenge because how could I even begin to introduce the atonement in such a short time.  However, I felt inspired as I prepared to speak, and afterward when I had people come forward to express their appreciation for my talk I'm glad I did it.  I just know there could have been so much more to say. :)

But I thought I would go ahead and post a summary of my talk here for you.

When I told my husband the bishop had asked me to speak on the atonement, he told me, "You'll do fine.  You've got plenty of experience."  And I said, "Thanks....I think."  But in all seriousness, he's right.  I do have plenty of experience using the atonement because I've got problems.  But who doesn't?  Everyone needs the atonement and if you haven't used it yet, you need it too.  But most of us have heard that before.  We know we need to use the atonement, but how do we do it?

Many of us have heard of the steps of repentance before.  I like to think put things into analogies and metaphors in order to better understand them, so let's talk about doing dishes and breaking a plate.  So the sin is I broke the plate.  The first step is to recognize that and take responsibility.  "I broke this plate."  No excuses.  It was no one else's fault.  It wasn't because of anything else.  My hand slipped.  Perhaps it was the water.  But the reasons don't matter.  "I did it."  Sometimes this is the hardest step to take.  But I'll get into that further in a minute.  Next we must feel sad about what we've done.  "I'm sorry that I broke the plate because it was a nice plate."  Then we forsake the sin. "I won't brake any more plates."  And confess the sin, "Mom (or whoever else) I broke this plate."  Then make restitution.

Making restitution is the reason I use the broken plate analogy with my boys.  If one hurts his brother, he has to do more then say he's sorry.  I often tell him, "The plate is still broken."  You can apologize all you want, but until you make restitution for your mistake, nothing changes and nothing gets fixed.  You have to find some glue and put the plate back together the best you can.  Of course, the plate won't ever be the same, but the effort of making things better means a lot more then just saying you're sorry.  So you need to make an honest effort to fixing what you've done.

After this, you forgive yourself and you forgive others.  Lastly, you continue to keep the commandments.  If you break the plate again, it all starts over, and that plate would be a lot harder to mend.

I think when contemplating these steps of repentance, the first part gets skipped over sometimes but I feel like that first step can be the hardest part.  It can be very difficult to first recognize our sins and shortcomings, not because we don't know right from wrong, but because bad habits sometimes become somehow precious to us and hard to let go.  So in order to keep them, we hide them even from ourselves.  The natural man within us makes excuses and justifications for our behavior to satisfy our conscience and deny our own guilt.  Because really looking at our own imperfections can be painfult.  It hurts to take responsibility.  But there is a purpose in that pain.

Our body feels physical pain to warn us.  It's like our body is telling us, "Stop.  Don't do that."  The same with spiritual pain.  Our spirit is warning us, "Stop!  Don't do that again!"  We also have to remember that there is godly sorrow and then there is worldy sorrow.  Godly sorrow is feeling guilty for a wrongdoing, whereas worldy sorrow is when we feel shame for self.  Only godly sorrow is the Lord's way to heal.

The first step to be completely honest with ourselves is about swallowing pride and accepting the fact that we are not perfect and that we have a problem we need help fixing because we cannot overcome our problems on our own.  One of Satan's biggest lies is when we tell ourselves we're fine.  We can do it on our own.  We don't need help.  The truth is, we need the Lord's help and He's always there to help us!

As Ammon puts it in Alma 26:11-12, "I know I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things."  If we humble ourselves and realize we are powerless against our sins and bad habits, we find that we must put our faith and trust in the Lord's help to give us the help we need.

One way I've learned to begin to use the atonement in my everyday life is by keeping a journal daily and studying the scriptures daily to really give myself an honest reflection of my life.  How am I doing?  Every day I ask myself this question.  I look at both the good and bad in my life to find patterns in my behavior and so I can find my strengths and my weaknesses and how I define myself.  Also, by praying to the Lord he will help you recognize things you need to acknowledge.  He will help you with one at a time.

When we are talking about our own nothingness we also need to acknowledge our great worth.  In order to illustrate this concept better, I compare myself to a little child, and the Lord to our earthly parents.  A child must rely on his parents for everything.  That child learns how to take care of himself through his parents.  He must rely on his parents to provide him food, shelter and safety, and to teach him everything he needs to know in order to live his life.  In this way, the child is nothing compared to his parent.  He is powerless.  But in the eyes of his parent, that child has worth that stretches beyond what words can express.  This is how I must see myself in comparison with the Lord.  I am nothing as in my abilities, my knowledge, or my power.  But I am still worth so much to Him and I know He loves me more then words.

After acknowledging the sin, feeling sorry and forsaking the sin sometimes follows quite naturally.  If they don't, they can be prayed for.  The other step I wanted to focus a little attention on is confessing.  I can be one thing to acknowledge our sin to ourselves, and the next hardest is to admit it to another person.

President Spencer W. Kimball said: "Repentance can never come until one has bared his soul and admitted his actions without excuses or rationalizations.  Those persons who choose to meet the issue and transform their lives may find repentance the harder road at first, but they will find it the infinitely more desirable path as they taste of its fruits."  After confession, there is no longer anything to hide.  It's our outward demonstration to our inward commitment to give away our sins.

I read recently in the book called Hard Questions, Prophetic Answers by Daniel K. Judd, that often in temple recommend interviews members find it hard to answer the question of whether they are worthy.  Often people respond with something like "I have a lot of weaknesses and I am far from perfect, but I guess I feel okay about answering yes to the question."

The book reads:  "I am always touched by the sincerity and humility of their reply, but I generally probe just a little to make sure they understand the doctrine of the atonement of Christ.  If they understand that doctrine, have accepted Christ, and are sincerely trying to follow Him, they have no need to be shy about declaring their worthiness, because worthiness is so much more about "the righteousness of the Redeemer" than it is about us.  ...The Savior as our advocate with the Father will indeed plead our cause, but instead of putting forth our personal righteousness as evidence of our worthiness to enter the celestial kingdom, He will declare that the righteousness that allows us to enter therein is HIS righteousness--not ours.  We can claim His righteousness as our own by taking upon ourselves His name, always remembering Him, and keeping His commandments, for we must realize that 'it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do."

I really liked that perspective that when we are being asked about our worthiness, if we are taking advantage of His atonement, we can claim His worthiness as our own, and rely on Him.

To close, I want to share this quote I thought of after further contemplating the atonement.  It's from Bruce C. Hafen in April 1990.

"Some church members feel weighed down with discouragement about the circumstances of their personal lives, even when they are making sustained and admirable efforts.  Frequently, these feelings of self-disappointment come not from wrongdoing, but from stresses and troubles for which we may not be fully to blame.  The Atonement of Jesus Christ applies to these experiences because it applies to all of life.  The Savior can wipe away all our tears, after all we can do...The Savior's Atonement is...the healing power not only for sin, but also for carelessness, inadequacy, and all mortal bitterness.  The Atonement is not just for sinners."

I testify that the atonement is real.  I have felt its power in my own life.  I also testify that I know that when I am actively turning toward my Savior in my daily life and relying on His power and influence to guide me, I am strengthened in ways I cannot explain in any other way but that the Lord takes away my burden.  And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.