Testimony

After bearing your testimony during church, and someone comes up to tell you they appreciated it, if they say "I really felt your testimony" let them know they are mistaken.

They were feeling their own.

<3

For They Know Not What They Do...and Neither Do I

I just realized something.

If I ever feel critical of someone else or something, I've found it stems from my own issues more then anything to do with them. I have always believed in this statement: If I'm annoyed at something about someone, it's probably because I do the same thing, myself. So every time I find myself annoyed at something, I have to look inward and think about if I do the same thing. Then I can try to do better.

But even though I've believed in that statement a while, it's a lot easier said then done. Sometimes I am completely ignorant of the true meaning behind my negative feelings.

Recently I realized it can be jealousy sometimes. In a backwards sort of way. And I owed someone an apology for my behavior. Because I was jealous and threw all my negative self talk at them! SO unfair!

So then I was thinking about it, and what if it's the other way around?

If someone gets mad at me or critical of me and says something that may hurt my feelings - instead of taking it so personally, maybe I should look at it in the same way. That person has their own issues they are dealing with. Who knows why they are feeling critical of me. It could be because they struggle with the same issue somehow in their own life too. Of course, I wouldn't excuse myself from trying to become better, but I don't need to feel terrible and loath myself either because of their behavior. They have their reasons too.

My sister once talked to me about a statement the savior made on the cross. "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." This actually applies in so many ways to all of us. No matter what wrong someone makes against us, I believe everyone is trying to do their best. They maybe doing wrong unintentionally, even if it doesn't seem right to us. They may be completely ignorant of the wrong. They may completely feel justified with their actions. They don't know. They may understand their side, but it's impossible for them to understand ours. So forgiveness is key. It makes it a little easier for me to forgive when I see it this way. No matter what the wrong is - even if they ARE trying to be mean - they really don't know what they are doing. They known not what they do.

Show Me My Weaknesses

I hope I can always be in the state of mind where I'm open to see my faults and so I can try to change, working humbly and in faith until I can become better. But first I have to see my flaws.

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." Ether 12:27

Getting Past That Wall

Sometimes when trying to receive inspiration or revelation, whatever you'd like to call it, you might hit a wall. And it's invisible. You don't even know there's a wall there, so you continue to smack into it over and over again until you finally think, "Oh!" and decide walking AROUND might better. Yeah.

This is what I've done lately.

I'm returning to school this fall and have been stressing (morbidly) over daycare arrangements. My two oldest weren't a problem. I was just trying so hard to keep my baby at the campus daycare which could only watch him half the time I needed.

What soon ensued? Hair-raising, scream-inducing, tear-overflowing, maddening stress. Should I also bother mentioning that little thing called postpartum depression that I've been trying to avoid?

I tried finding people I trust who might be on campus at that time. I tried going through the ward, going through friends, and I was about to go through the single's wards down on campus to see if there was someone there (who I didn't know). I had nightmares about baby snatchers.

Finally...I noticed the wall I've been insanely bumping into, causing headaches (which turned out to be self-induced).

Let me tell you a story.

My mom bought a new house when I was a pre-teen. The only thing she didn't like so much was that there was this wall separating the kitchen from the front room. Those two places need to be more unified these days because people eat so much in this world. And because of this, there's always someone stuck in the kitchen to prepare food (usually mom) and why shouldn't this person be involved in the conversations going on too?

Also, this wall used to have a stove attached that had a chimney. It had been removed, leaving an ugly scar on the wall that needed patching. My mom worked and worked for hours and hours on that patch on the wall trying to make it look better. Hours. Days.

Finally she realized - hey! I don't want this wall here anyway! And they tore it out.

Sometimes we get so focused and stubborn about one thing, we go to great lengths to keep it there. It can cause all kinds of complications and make our life so hard. But until we realize it's all for that one little thing and it's ok to let that little thing go, we're stuck behind that wall.

My wall? Not being willing to use a dang bottle for a couple hours.

The thought hadn't even seriously occurred to me. I've never used a bottle. Nothing against those who do, I just never had the need to do so or wanted to for that matter. But would it hurt for me to pump a few hours on only two days a week? No. So now it's all been settled and he can be taken care of. That's what is most important.

So when you're in some kind of stressful predicament, take a step back. You may just be beating against a wall that doesn't need to be there at all.